Monday, March 23, 2009

A Great Fall

Everything was going great. After a wild weekend with the New York crowd in which our living was turned into a mosh pit, Dorne's hair was turned into a pot of taco meat, and the greatest fantasy draft war room ever was assembled, I was just sitting down to watch Team USA continue its run to the WBC Finals. Brian Roberts lead off home run had me feeling that USA was on the doorstep of the WBC finals. Then the great fall happened. I went to turn on my old trusty Route 66 Neon Wall Clock (see below) when I noticed it wasn't plugged in. When I went to plug it in, BANG! Old trusty falls off the wall and lands directly on top of my head. Bleeding everywhere, I decided it would be prudent to go to the hospital to get my self checked out. That is when it all came unraveled for Team USA.

In the hospital everything seemed like a whirlwind. I went from room to room answering the same questions over and over again. No, I have not been abused by my spouse. No, I do not engage in marijuana or cocaine use. Yes, a clock fell on my head. Finally, I got a free minute and was able to check the USA score on my phone. 3-2 Japan, shit. Many needles and 7 staples in my head later I met Vo in the waiting room to go home. He informed me that it was now 6-2 Japan, and that an Asian woman was throwing up all over the place while he was waiting for me. God damn. I figured maybe when I got home I could will the USA on to victory. Yes, a 2 run triple by Derosa with 1 out! A sac fly and we are right back in this thing 6-5. 2 straight outs instead. Then Team USA really showed its true weakness.

All along I thought Team USA's bullpen would be a great strength. Instead it turned out to be the Achilles heel. I've never seen so many leadoff walks before. You can't win games like that consistently, and USA got burned for a three run 8th inning by Japan to put the game out of reach right when they were gaining momentum. You see, the bullpen was Team USA's Route 66 Neon Wall Clock. All along it had been teetering, but they had been getting away with it. Then just when things were looking up, boom, they get gashed. In all, I thought USA had a pretty good WBC. They were decimated by injuries but still managed to make a nice run to the semifinals. In the end though, pitching provided their undoing. Now they are left with only a bottle of vicodin to ease the pain.


  1. I heard you also made another crucial error this weekend in selecting Albert over HanRam. Some say you can't go wrong either way. I don't subscribe to that philosophy.

  2. Hanley's numbers will suffer at the hands of "Fat" Joe Blanton in Phils pinstripes for a full season

  3. The living room was a fortress, not a mosh pit. Completely Dorne proof in the event that he safely made it down the stairs after being conned into opening his locked door, doused in warm water and pelted with handfuls of delicious Ortega Taco Powder Mix.