Monday, September 14, 2009
The Return of TFB
He's baaaaack. Tonight marks the return of Tom Fucking Brady after a one year absence due to knee surgery. In the year prior to his knee injury, Brady threw for a modest 4,800 yards and a ho hum 50 touchdowns. Now that he is back, what can we expect from Brady this year? Let's read on.
Tom Brady's return means many things for the white people of New England. First, it means that the Patriots are once again Super Bowl contenders. Last year with Matt Cassel at the helm, the Pats went 11-5 but somehow missed out on the playoffs. The overriding belief in New England is that if Matt Cassel could lead that team to an 11-5 record, then Tom Brady might have another shot at a undefeated regular season again. Add to that the fact that the Pats have added Joey Galloway, Fred Taylor and Chris Baker to their arsenal, and now we're on to something.
Secondly, now that Brady is back, Bill Billabill can restart his all out assault on the league. Billabill is probably still harboring a lot of resentment towards the rest of the league for the whole cameragate fiasco and no doubt wants to rape and pillage the entire NFL this season. With Tom Brady back at the helm, look for a lot of blowout games where Bill Billabill mutters his way through the postgame press conference trying to explain why he called for a Hail Mary pass up 49-7 with 8 seconds left in the 4th quarter.
Finally, the return of Tom Brady marks the return to normalcy in New England. For the past few years, New Englanders have had to turn their attention to Cretan sports like basketball, baseball and hockey for excitement. How bland. With the return of TFB the Patriots will once again become the apple of New England's eye and the world will be right again.
Patriots 38- Bills 14
TFB 5 TD passes to the man from Rand University
Chargers 21- Raiders 10
LT shows that he can still hack it with 2 TDs. Defense returns to fine form and celebrates with Tequila shots.