Saturday, November 28, 2009

Crashing Tiger, Hidden Dragon


I know there are a lot of questions to be answered about Tiger's big car crash this weekend. But the biggest of all should be, why wasn't he driving a Buick? Perhaps this is all some crazy marketing ploy and Buick is about to come out with an ad saying that if he was driving a Buick he wouldn't have been injured a la National Lampoon. And to think you wondered why Mark Forwood drives a VW. Despite my tomfoolery Tiger does have a lot of explaining to do, and unfortunately for him his privacy that he has valued so much is going to be invaded until he explains himself.

Tiger Woods is a man who enjoys his privacy. He doesn't like to do personal interviews, he doesn't play a full golf season so that he can spend time with his family, and he even owns his own yacht named "Privacy". This has been all well and good for all parties involved since Tiger was a rookie on the tour. He wowed on the course, did his interviews on the 18th green, and then we left him alone to lead a seemingly normal and boring life. However, at 2:25am on Friday morning, that all changed.

When I saw the headline on ESPN.com that Tiger Woods had been involved in a serious car crash, my first thought was that it was a prank of some sort. Tiger is one of the most thoughtful and responsible athletes in sports today, he would never do anything like this. Then some of the details began to emerge. What was he doing driving at 2:25 am on Thanksgiving night? Had he been drinking? Was there a problem at home? Where was he going? Was his Buick in the shop? All of these except for the last question are going to have to be answered by Tiger if he ever wants to be left alone again.

If I were Tiger, I would try to be as honest as I could about the events of Friday morning without divulging too many personal details. If he does, I'm guessing the world will realize that he is a human (despite the widely held belief that he is in fact a machine), and all humans make mistakes. If he does not, he will be dogged by questions at every tournament he plays in and will never be able to fully regain the privacy he once enjoyed so much. Tiger, the truth shall set you free!

7 comments:

  1. Strange that they've already ruled out alcohol as the cause. In my experience, someone peeling out of their driveway at 2.30 is either fleeing a felony, or has a case of the munchies. It's also possible that he was heading out for some midnight putting, but I doubt it. Chances are theres a 24-hour Taco Bell by his house, and Tiger was jonesing for some black tacos.

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  2. He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen year old daughter of the dean.

    This is a wild story. Tiger doesn't really drink booze much. Perhaps he was just going to get in line at best buy for black friday.

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  3. Is it a true story that Tiger gets real shitfaced after he wins a major and drinks out of the trophy that he wins? Because thats what Kaplan told me and I thought it was awesome.

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  4. Ok, 24 hours later, I need to reevalaute my statement. Looks like Tiger was dipping his pen in the compnay ink. After seeing the nympho that Tiger was sleeping with, I have to question his judgment. Why would you step out on your swedish model wife for a run-of-the mill bafly from New York? That's like chipping with a pitching wedge or teeing off on a par 3 with a 4 iron. Some things you just don't do.

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  5. dorne, you know nothing about golf.

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  6. Wow Donk, I haven't seen such a bad response sicne Van de Velde's collapse at Carmoustie in '99.

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  7. you just strengthened Pat's point

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