Wednesday, November 11, 2009

How the Other Half Lives

After yesterday's post, I felt it necessary to find my Varsity Blues DVD and watch it for old time's sake. 106 minutes later I was still spellbound. You know how when you watch an old movie, you usually get bored quickly because you already know whats going to happen? Not so with Varsity Blues. It's like seeing an old friend that hasn't been in town for years. In a time when America needs as many heroes as it can get, I ask that James Vanderbeek please re-emerge from the ashes and take this country to new heights. Come forth silent rogue and receive thine approbation. We need you back!

Here are the NFL's bottom 16:

17. Jacksonville Jaguars- At 4-4, the Jags are showing some signs of life. David Garrard is proving that he was the right choice at QB, and Mike Sims-Walker is looking like a young Charlie Tweeder at wide receiver.

18. Miami Dolphins- The 'Phins are 3-5, but have been playing pretty well against some good competition. They also have 3 pretty easy ones in a row against Tampa, Buffalo and the NYJ. They could be 6-5 in no time. Well, in 3 weeks actually.

19. NYJ- That 3-0 start is a thing of the past as the Jets have gone 1-3 since then with an OT loss to the lowly Bills. I thought the Jets would have some growing pains this year, and it looks like I am right.

20. Da Bears- I love that crybaby Jay Cutler is looking up at the Broncos.

21. Tennesse Titans- The Titans have won two in a row, and it looks like Vince Young is proving that he is a winner in this league. His stats may not be pretty, but its the W's that count. As long as he sticks to the basics, the Titans could go on a nice little run.

22. Carolina Panthers- The Panthers are 3-5 and Jake Delhomme has somehow figured out how to throw a football again. He probably couldn't make a ref go "oof!" after throwing a pass to him from the other side of the field, while sitting down and reading Slaughterhouse Five though.

23. San Francisco 49ers- Well, the Niners have lost four in a row. Maybe the pants dropping isn't enough for Singletary. Maybe he needs to threaten to mess with Alex Smith's transcripts.

24. Seattle Seahawks- The 3-5 Seahawks are pretty bad, but I guess they still have a shot at the NFC West. Moreover, T.J. Houshmandzadeh has been playing pretty well recently.

25. Buffalo Bills- I think it is pretty obvious that the Bills need a new QB. Rumor has it there is a 32 year old kid originally from Cheshire, CT with a rocket arm that played some ball at Brown available.

26. Washington Redskins- It is also pretty obvious that the Skins need, among other things, a new coach. Rumor has it there is also a coach with 22 district championships and 2 state titles (albeit from the 80s) on the open market.

27. Oakland Raiders- The 2-6 Raiders just need to go out there and hit someone in the mouth. Oh that's right...I went there.

28. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Look at that. The Bucs are 1-0 with the creamsicle uni's. Bring 'em back.

29. Detroit Lions- I guess that one win was just a blip on the radar.

30. Kansas City Chiefs- Chris Chambers looks to help the offense. That's all I have to say about that.

31. St. Louis Rams- I think the West Canaan Coyotes could upend the Rams right now.

32. Cleveland Browns- Mangini will be gone next year, but his statue will remain only because it is too heavy to move.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: If loving James Vanderbeek is wrong, I don't want to be right.


  1. The steve slaton picture made me cry a little bit.

  2. The steve slaton pic made me smile inside. I got a warm fuzzy feeling from that. Thank you Bill.