Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Bartender, I'll Have A Draft

It has been months since the Super Bowl, and now every NFL team should have at least some idea of who they would like to take in the now prime time NFL Draft. Does anyone else think that moving the draft to prime time is stupid? I will be watching either way, but personally I have always thought of the NFL Draft as a solid Saturday and Sunday event that coincides with the relentless pursuit of Mark Forwooding. There is no need to move it to prime time and spread it out over three days, except to reinforce the fact that the NFL Draft has taken over the NBA Draft as the preeminent draft in pro sports. Something that I have been saying for a while. But that's all I have to say about that. Let's mock it up!

1. St. Louis Rams- Sam Bradford
Bradford has a tender shoulder which could spell disaster behind that offensive line in St. Louis, but the team only has Keith Null on their roster right now. A quarterback is the only logical choice and Bradford will be the face of this franchise for many years.

2. Detroit Lions- Ndamukong Suh
Suh is a great choice for Detroit. He will be a stalwart on the defensive line, and announcers can disguise all the boos by claiming that the fans are yelling "Suh" instead.

3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Gerald McCoy
McCoy is the Silver Medal to Suh, but should be a pretty solid cog in the defensive line.

4. Washington Redskins- Russell Okung
The Skins will need somebody to protect McNabb's brittle bones. Prediction: McNabb misses at least 3 games this year.

5. Kansas City Chiefs- Trent Williams
The Chefs are another team in desperate need of pass protection. They could also be a candidate to trade down here if a team really wants Eric Berry ::cough:: Eagles ::cough::.

6. Seattle Seahawks- Eric Berry
This guy is supposedly the next Ed Reed in the secondary. A solid pick for any team, and a home run for Pete Carroll in his return to the pro coaching ranks. By the way, how many times has Pete Carroll broken his nose?

7. Cleveland Browns- Jimmy Clausen
I'm going out on a limb here! New GM Mike Holmgren has signed Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace to head up the QB situation for the Browns. Seems like the perfect "groom a young quarterback" cast.

8. Oakland Raiders- Dez Bryant
With Jimmy Clausen stolen right before his eyes, Al Davis makes a solid Al Davis pick.

9. Buffalo Bills- Bryan Bulaga
Buffalo gets a nice bookend tackle to protect Tim Tebow whenever they select him.

10. Jacksonville Jaguars- Joe Haden
The Jags don't take Tebow at #10, but they add another Gator to help shore up their secondary.

11. Denver Broncos- Dan Williams
This guy will remind Josh McDaniels of VW75, but will not be as good. Denver might also trade this pick if they can't get Dez Bryant.

12. Miami Dolphins- Rolando McClain
University of New Haven alum Tony Sparano makes a solid pick here to help replace Jason Taylor.

13. San Francisco 49ers- Earl Thomas
Thomas will shore up the SF secondary, but more importantly, caption contest; what is that cop thinking in the picture?

14. Seattle Seahawks- C.J. Spiller
Seattle gets a solid running back and kick returner in Spiller. Good first round so far for crooked nose Carroll.

15. New York Giants- Maurkice Pouncey
The G-Men draft a center. Koey says "huh?"

16. Tennessee Titans- Derrick Morgan
Tennessee's offense did fine with Vince Young at the helm. They need to improve their pass rush. Jevon Kearse just isn't gonna cut it any more.

17. San Francisco 49ers- Anthony Davis
San Fran wraps up a good first round with a nice tackle to protect Alex Smith. Koey is sad because his team did not pick the Rutgers player.

18. Pittsburgh Steelers- Jason Pierre-Paul
Pittsburgh is pretty much screwed on offense, so they bolster their defense by picking a man with 3 first names. Just another lucky Pierre.

19. Atlanta Falcons- Brandon Graham
Atlanta needs some help on the defensive side of the ball and adds a versatile pass rusher.

20. Houston Texans- Mike Iupati
If the Texans can keep Stump the Schaub on the field, they are pretty good. Adding another lineman will help. Pretty scary dude.

21. Cincinnati Bengals- Bruce Campbell
The Bungals add the final lineman in a deep first round class to help protect Carson Palmer.

22. NEP- Kyle Wilson
BB needs help at CB. Look for them to add KW. If not him, maybe an RB. But remember, Stats are for losers.

23. Green Bay Packers- Jared Odrick
The Pack take a defensive end to help replace Aaron Kampman.

24. The Iggs- Taylor Mays
The Birds need secondary help, especially in the toughness department. This dude is a bruiser in the Brian Dawkins mold. Perfect fit.

25. Bal'mer Ravens- Sergio Kindle
Ray Lewis isn't getting any younger.

26. Arizona Cardinals- Sean Weatherspoon
The Cards take a linebacker to try to replace the departed Karlos Dansby. This could be an ugly season for them.

27. Dallas Cowboys- Devin McCourty
Dallas bolsters an already strong secondary by adding another one of Koey's favorite players.

28. San Diego Chargers- Ryan Matthews
The Fresno boy will take over for LT and not miss a beat in the San Diego offense. Seriously, this guy could win rookie of the year.

29. NYJ- Terrence Cody
The NYJ have pretty much addressed all of their needs via free agency and are gearing up for a Super Bowl run. Therefore, they add a big fat man-o-lantern to fill up the middle.

30. Minnesota Vikings- Kareem Jackson
The Vikings need a little help in the secondary. Even though help in the secondary doesn't stop your QB from throwing picks.

31. Indianapolis Colts- Carlos Dunlap
The Colts usually draft offense in the first round, but with some injured guys returning combined with not much available at the end of round 1, the Colts grad Dunlap.

32. New Orleans Saints- Brian Price
This cool dude will help the Saints revamp their defense this offseason.

That's the way I see it, though I am no expert. Here are a couple other thoughts I have on the later rounds:

- I don't see why no one likes Colt McCoy. I could see him being better than every other QB in this draft, and he would be a steal for any team in the second round.

-Toby Gerhart IS being pre-judged because he is white! A feeling I know all too well living in the ghetto of New Haven. Stay strong Toby! He will be a steal for whomever takes him as well. New England might want to consider him in the second round. He could be the NFL version of Larry Bird.

-Golden Tate, Jahvid Best and Mardy Gilyard will all be solid round 2 pickups as well.

-Tebow in Buffalo.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know about Jake the Snake or Chief Seneca Wallace training bitch Jimmy Claussen. That'd be like getting advice from a one-legged gimp in an ass-kicking contested.

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