Friday, May 28, 2010

Exercise in Phutility

In their last 5 games, the Phillies have scored 3 runs. In their last 9 games, that total only jumps up to 15 runs. Just to put that into perspective, in the Flyers last 5 games they have scored 17 goals; and in their last 9 games that number jumps up to 32. If I may, I would like to describe the Phillies in the words of the Asian construction worker from Major League, "They're shitty." While I am certain that the Phillies will bounce back from this slump of epic proportions, I am content to dwell on it for the time being as it is eating me up inside right now.

You would think that in order to score zero runs in three games, a team would have to be hitting the ball pretty poorly right? False. In the last three games, the Phils have thrown 20 hits up on the board. They are just not getting the hits at the right time. This is what kills me. Last night the Phillies had several chances to get runs in, due primarily to free passes from Pelfrey rather than hitting prowess, and hit into a double play three separate times. Unacceptable. Several things need to happen if the Phils want to get out of this slump.

First, Jimmy Rollins needs to get healthy. Jimmy, this lingering hamstring problem is a huge pain in the ass. Don't play until you are healthy. If you play before you are 100%, you are only going to injure yourself again causing an even longer setback. Shane Victorino, how about you raise that average a bit? Last night was a good start, but unfortunately nobody else wanted to hit you in. Chase Utley and Ryan Howard, start hitting. I AM PISSED. Raul Ibanez, are you serious? You hit 23 homers in the first half last year. Now you are batting .253 with 3 home runs. Unacceptable. I wouldn't mind seeing a righty bat take your place in the outfield until you start hitting. Ugh, I am so fed up right now. Thank god for the Flyers, otherwise I would have no avenue to vent.

While I am sure the Phillies will soon break out of this slump with a 20 run onslaught of some poor team, right now it just seems like they can't do anything and it is the most frustrating thing ever. A 3 game shutout sweep against the Mets is the equivalent of having someone wrinkle your Randy Travis poster, piss the seat and hide your keys. On top of that, you walk to your parking lot in the morning to find that your car, park in its rightful spot and complete with parking sticker in the window, has been towed. Fuck you, New Haven. If I don't get a full refund, I'm gonna take you to small claims court, and take my business TO COMCAST!

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