Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Stop, Flop and Roll

This will be my first and last World Cup post on this blog, and it is not even entirely about the World Cup. It is about the art of the flop. The flop is an act carried out primarily in the professional soccer ranks around the world and to a lesser degree in the NBA. I for one can not stand it, and therefore I don't think I can really ever get into soccer. The flop used to be fairly prevalent in the NHL, but officials did something to change it. The "dive" rule in the NHL was enacted to eliminate this shameful behavior by threat of penalty. Needless to say, this practice should be adopted by both the worldwide soccer governance and the NBA. Like tomorrow.

In my limited exposure to the game of soccer I just can't get into it. Sure I will root for the USA to win because they are the USA, but to paraphrase Frank Costanza; "This game- this is not my kinda game." Every time I watch, I see one of the damn guys get the ball stolen from him, fall to the ground, writhe around in total agony for a minute or so, look up at the ref, realize no penalty is forthcoming, then pop back up and continue playing as spry in his youth as ever. It is fucking terrible. How vain are these guys? This is the reason I don't watch, and I bet it has something to do with why the sport has not taken off in America like it has in other countries. We Americans don't complain when we fall down. We get back up, dust ourselves off, and beat the ever loving piss out of the guy who knocked us down. Fuckin' A.

For the same reason, I really despise many of the players (primarily European) in the NBA. The epitome of this problem for years was the man, the myth, the legend Vlade Divac, but now the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of one Pau Gasol. Listen to the commentary at the end of that Gasol video. That is right on. Flopping destroys the game. As if a referee's job wasn't subjective enough, now they have to guess whether players are actually getting fouled or not every single trip down the court. And that's bullshit. A player should be penalized for flopping; and calling a foul, or giving a yellow card to a player is the way to do it.

Calling penalties for players taking dives in hockey helped to clean up the problem. Now it is getting out of hand in soccer and basketball. The people in charge of these leagues should adopt the same rules for flopping as hockey did in order to eradicate the problem. Nobody should be rewarded for acting, they should only be punished. Get rid of those stupid beehive horns too. Maybe then I could get into soccer.


  1. Someone brought one of those Vewhoselas into the bar I was at during the game. After one blow everyone stared him down, and the nerd sheepishly put it away. Do South Africans actually like soccer, or do they just like playing Hot Cross Buns on recorders for 2 hours straight?

    In regards to the crux of your article, flopping is gay and it definitely takes away from the momentum of the game. Especially when everyones pointing at the ref trying to get calls instead of playing balls. The only sport in my humble cheese opinion where this isnt a problem is MLB where the only arguing goes on about the strike zone, and that's to no avail as calls are never reversed. However, if you're not going full-force into the US soccer team right now, then you're a bozo. This is nationalism on the line right now. When else but the Olympics can you openly declare war on a country? I'll tell you one thing, if I cross any Ghanians on the leafy streets of Portland, Maine this weekend, there will be some serious problems.

  2. Translation: Me love you long time

  3. What say you in principle about the practice of framing pitches to influence strike/ball decisions? On what grounds would you draw the line between this and dive taking to gain a freekick advantage? [Hit me up if I forget to recheck this forum, I am actually very curious to hear your thoughts.]

  4. 在莫非定律中有項笨蛋定律:「一個組織中的笨蛋,恆大於等於三分之二。」......................................................................

  5. Mareo,
    I have never been a fan of framing pitches either. Though it is done for the same reasons as flopping, to deceive the referee to make a call in favor of your team, it is decidedly more obvious to an umpire when someone is framing than when someone is flopping. Moreover, I feel that an umpire can take corrective action against a framer by squeezing him on calls if he sees him doing it. Thoughtful commentary as always good sir.