Thursday, September 24, 2015

Moose's Weekly Picks

Here we are in week three.  Some teams are who we thought they were, to borrow a quote from my good friend Denny Green, and some are completely different.  A strong finish to last week's picks put Moose in the black for the week and the season, even though we got burned on a No Doubter. All in all, I'll take it.  In other housekeeping news, you might notice that the normal MWP logo is not up today.  Moose the Patriot was posted in honor of another good friend of mine not named Denny Green.  Phil Daley is currently in the midst of a 10 day hike from Massachusetts to Canada in order to raise awareness and contributions for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute and the Jimmy Fund.  He took that picture at a stop along the way, and you can follow his journey on his website www.philshiketocanada.com. Be sure to check out his daily blog replete with photos, and don't be a cheapskate and drop in a few shekels to the cause if you can.  Now, let's get back to the lecture at hand.

WASHINGTON (+3.5) at NYG: Tough game to call.  The G-Men have lost two heartbreakers at the end of the game, but the fact that they have been in the lead against both teams is a good sign.  The Redskins were my pick to be laughingstock of the league, then somehow dismissed the Rams in week two.  I think the fact that it is a home game has me leaning towards the NYG.  PICK: NYG

PITTSBURGH (-1.5) at ST. LOUIS: Speaking of the devil, here we have St. Louis back at home where they beat the Seahawks in week one.  I am going to chalk that up to knowing their divisional opponent more than being a really good team.  Big Ben also gets a weapon back in the form of L'eveon Bell.  As if I needed another reason to pick Big Ben.  PICK: Blitzburgh

SAN DIEGO (+2.5) at MINNESOTA: The battle of the two teams that have beaten the Lions and looked bad in their other respective games.  San Diego's defense needs to show me what they are made of on the road.  PICK: Minnesota

TAMPA BAY (+6.5) at HOUSTON: This Texans defense has been all bark and no bite so far.  I also don't think the debate between Mallett or Hoyer is relevant, because they are both not gonna take you too far.  Houston is a possible landing spot for Robert Griffin III in my opinion.  Would make a lot of sense.  Meanwhile, Famous Jameis has no regard for human life and is scoring touchdowns like they are going out of style.  Somebody needs to start a Famous Jameis touchdown counter to keep track of all of them.  Wait, I am just the Moose to do it.  PICK: Tampa


PHILADELPHIA (+2.5) at NYJ: You can't play the game that the Iggs played last week and ever expect to have anybody bet on you the next week.  That was downright pitiful.  Worst game I have ever watched.  Let me recap the Eagles possessions for you: Punt, Punt, Punt, Punt, Punt, Blocked Punt for TD, Punt, Int, Field Goal, Fumble, Int, Touchdown in garbage time.  Enough said?  PICK: NYJ

NEW ORLEANS (+6.5) at CAROLINA: Boy the Saints don't look too good at all.  I think that Jimmy Graham trade hurt both teams, as football trades often do.  Now Drew Brees is dealing with a bum rotator cuff but will try to play.  Sounds like home cooking with some Carolina rice.  PICK: North Carolina

JACKSONVILLE (+13.5) at NEP: Our first monster spread of the season.  The Jags defense averages 20 points per game allowed, the Pats offense averages 34 points per game scored.  This game is in New England.  I'll take the NEP despite the points.  This could be one of those games where BB and Brady prove a point to the rest of the league.  PICK: NEP

CINCINNATI (+2.5) at BALTIMORE: Baltimore has looked pretty bad so far, especially last week against the Raiders of all teams.  They ruined my No Doubter while they were at it.  It is tempting to take 2-0 Cincy and the points, but I think the Ravens will out-coach the Bengals and the crowd will be rocking for the home opener.  PICK: Baltimore

OAKLAND (+3.5) at CLEVELAND: A lot of pundits are crushing the Browns for benching John Football once again, but I think I understand it.  I won't understand it if one bad series or game leads them to putting him right back in.  Coach Pettine wants a steady qb.  That is what he had with Hoyer and that is what he will get from McCown.  Score just enough points for the defense.  Tampa Bay Bucs '02-'03 baby (sheds tear).  PICK: Cleveland

INDIANAPOLIS (-3) at TENNESSEE: Plucky Luck has looked egregious so far, and Indianapolis is another one of the surprising 0-2 teams.  Could Pagano be fired in week three if they don't win?  I doubt it, but he and Chip Kelly are in the same boat.  Both of them reshuffled their offense in the offseason, and both of them have average at best defenses.  Mix in some turnovers with that and you've got a recipe for something more disgusting than Homer Simpson's cloves/tom collins mix/pie crust special.  Let's go find mom.  PICK: TENNESSEE


ATLANTA (-1.5) at DALLAS: Big D is 2-0 so far, but the injuries have got to catch up with them.  Brandon Weeden for a whole game is much different than Brandon Weeden for one and a half quarters up by 10 points.  Atlanta has also proven they can play good defense and make plays to win at the end of the game.  PICK: Hotlanta

SAN FRANCISCO (+6.5) at ARIZONA: Let's take a look at the checklist:


  1. Carson Palmer is playing.  He is 14-2 as the Cardinals starter.
  2. The 49ers got embarrassed on the road by Pittsburgh last week.
  3. We are in the desert
Sounds like a check mate for Arizona.  Abandon hope all ye who enter here.  PICK: Arizona


CHICAGO (+14.5) at SEATTLE: What did I say about Seattle last week?  Oh yeah; "I think the Pack put them at 0-2 for the season.  Pray for the Bears in Seattle in week three."  Throw into that mix that Jimmy Clausen is starting for the Bears now.  This is a huge line, but I am making it my NO DOUBTER for this week.  Home opener in Seattle, Kam Chancellor back in the lineup, and Jimmy Clausen and the Bears coming to town.  PICK: Seattle

BUFFALO (+3) at MIAMI: Miami hasn't wowed at all this season.  They squeaked by the Skins in week one, then lost to hapless Jacksonville in week two.  Now there has been some talk of dissension among the ranks already.  Mark my words; Philbin is gone after this season.  They have given him all the pieces and he screws up every year.  PICK: Buffalo

DENVER (-3) at DETROIT: ANOTHER surprising 0-2 team.  If you had told me that Philly, Seattle, Baltimore, Indianapolis and Detroit would all be 0-2 before the season started I would have said "HEH?"  More surprisingly, Denver is winning games with their defense.  Kind of like they did when they had that other quarterback.  You know, the guy who John Elway kicked aside in favor of perennial playoff goat Peyton Manning.  Anyway, the Broncos have been getting lucky so far.  I'll take the Lions in their home opener, but will probably regret it.  PICK: Detroit

KANSAS CITY (+6.5) at GREEN BAY: Rodgers is god-like at home.  I'll take the Pack by a touchdown.  PICK: Green Bay

LAST WEEK: 9-7
OVERALL: 16-15-1
NO DOUBTER: 1-1

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Moose's Weekly Picks

Well we got off to a strong start in week one crushing the early games, but Moose petered out late in the going.  I wish I could say I've never done that before...HEH HEH HEH.  Week one is always tough because you have new coaches that you can't really predict, and lots of players in new places.  7-8-1 is not particularly good, but I will take it along with a No Doubter drilled through the uprights.  We're on to week two...

DENVER (+3) at KANSAS CITY:  The Broncos offense looked putrid last week and the worries about Peyton Manning's arm/neck are still valid.  The Chiefs ran it up on the Texans and now return home to Fat Andy's place for what is sure to be a raucous home opener.  I gotta go with my GUT here and take the Kool Aid Man.  PICK: Kansas

HOUSTON (+3) at CAROLINA: Houston's defense did not look intimidating at all last week, and Big Bri has already been ousted as QB1.  Carolina won in Jacksonville, but didn't wow either.  This isn't going to be a pretty game.  PICK: Carolina

TAMPA BAY (+10) at NEW ORLEANS: Famous Jameis didn't look so hot last week, but he is still within reach of that 39 touchdown goal.  Tampa's defense looked even worse.  I thought that was supposed to be Lovie Dovey's strength?  New Orleans went out to the desert and kept it close for a little while.  This game is in the Dome, but I still believe in the power of the Famous one.  PICK: Tampa

SAN FRANCISCO (+6) at PITTSBURGH: I didn't see the San Fran versus Minnesota game on Monday because I was in a blind rage over the previous game's outcome.  To top it off, Carlos Hyde's big game gave the Donk a three point fantasy win over me.  Blind rage became blind and deaf rage.  I had Carlos Hyde last year and he sucked.  He is now forever an enemy.  Pittsburgh had chances against the NEP but screwed a few of them up.  I think they come out this week and put the Niners in their place.  PICK: Blitzburgh

DETROIT (+2.5) at MINNESOTA: Again, I didn't see Minnesota on Monday; but only scoring three points against a defense that lost every good player from the season before is not a harbinger of good things.  I did watch Detroit blow a sizable lead against Big Phil Rivers out in San Diego.  At least they put up points though.  PICK: Detroit

NEP (-1) at BUFFALO: Buffalo smacked Indy on Sunday and Rex Ryan hasn't shut up about it since.  That guy is the very definition of a piece of shit.  According to Urban Dictionary:

(1) a worse than worthless object or person; an object or person that holds no value or redeeming qualities whatsoever
(2) a stupid, low-life, self-righteous human being who makes life a living hell for themselves and others
(3) a small portion of human or animal fecal matter; waste excrement

Couldn't have said it better myself.  Rex has always played the Pats well, but I honestly think that Tyrod Taylor is not going to lead a team anywhere.  The Bills fans always get super excited when their team does well in September, but just as fall turns to dreary winter in Buffalo the excitement is replaced by malaise and depression.  I know it is still September, but Rex will not be as high on the hog after this week.  PICK: NEP

ARIZONA (-1.5) at CHICAGO: I have my reservations about picking the Cardinals away from the desert, but they are playing Cutty and the Bears.  All the Cardinals have to do is sit back and wait and Cutler will, to borrow a phrase from Bart Simpson, fold faster than Superman on laundry day.  Listen to all those cars honking in support of the Cardinals.  PICK: Arizona


TENNESSEE (-1) at CLEVELAND: With McCown presumably out for this game after getting tackled into next month, it looks like we will see the sober, more adult Johnny Football.  I shall refer to his as John Football from now on.  Who is John Football?  He is a quarterback that seems only capable of producing one touchdown per game.  Meanwhile, Marcus Mariota threw for four against the Bucs last week.  Gimme Tennessee (for the record, I am still almost always wrong about the Titans in MWP).  PICK: Tennessee

SAN DIEGO (+3) at CINCINNATI: Big Phil Rivers played very well last week, and has a great rapport with Keenan Allen on offense.  I don't like them in the jungle though.  Cincy is a tougher team than Detroit and will stifle the Bolts rhythm.  PICK: Cincy

ST. LOUIS (-3.5) at WASHINGTON: Washington's defense kept them in the game last week, but ultimately the offense could only muster a measly 10 points.  The Rams defense is much more dangerous than the Dolphins, and the offense with Foles at the helm looked mighty good.  This is gonna be a blowout I think.  I want to make it my no doubter, but I won't pick on Washington two weeks in a row.  PICK: St. Louis

ATLANTA (+2.5) at NYG: Let me start by saying that I hate Matt Bryant more than Maggie Simpson hates the unibrow baby.  Ever since 2006 he has been a thorn in my side, and I don't think he has ever missed a field goal against the Iggs.  The Giants offense didn't do great last week, and failed to execute with the game on the line.  Atlanta looked good for a half and bad for a half, but executed at the end to win the game.  I think the tables are reversed at Met Life and the G-Men squeak one out.  PICK: NYG


BALTIMORE (-6) at OAKLAND: Matty McGloin at QB for Oakland? I'm thinking Baltimore.  Make it my NO DOUBTER of the week.  PICK: Baltimore

MIAMI (-6) at JACKSONVILLE: Evil genius Shahid Khan had some things going for him this season.  Blake Bortles looked legit, TJ Yeldon was going to solidify the backfield, and Gus Bradley would have the defense running and gunning.  Then they took a dump on the field last week.  PICK: Miami

DALLAS (+5) at PHILADELPHIA: The Iggs would have been booed off the field in the first half had last week's game been in Philly.  Salami Sam shook off the rust in the second half though and the Iggs outscored the Falcons 21-6, ultimately losing by two.  I think the Iggs will play more like the second half team this week, but five points is a lot to give up in a divisional game between two good teams.  PICK: Dallas

SEATTLE (+3.5) at GREEN BAY: The Seahawks don't play well on the road as we saw last week.  Another tough challenge faces them in Green Bay.  I think the Pack put them at 0-2 for the season.  Pray for the Bears in Seattle in week three.  PICK: Green Bay

NYJ (+7) at INDIANAPOLIS: Plucky Luck has all the weapons in the world on offense, but the Colts defense is "softer than baby shit" to quote the Black Mamba.  The Jets defense will harass Luck, and the offense will ground and pound all game.  This is the blueprint to beat the Colts and it works very well.  PICK: NYJ


LAST WEEK: 7-8-1
OVERALL: 7-8-1
NO DOUBTER: 1-0

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Moose's Weekly Picks

What a long, strange trip it's been.  After almost exactly six months off from blogging, the Moose has returned to the arena and is ready to roll for what looks to be a very exciting NFL season.  Even after all the bullshit that went on over the offseason, I don't know a single soul who isn't pumped up for the season to start tonight.  Let's get going and break down these games with what limited information we have.

PITTSBURGH (+7) at NEP: A lot of forces at play here.  It is banner night at Foxboro.  The Pats just recently won a landmark victory in Deflategate.  A certain smut blogger would lead you to believe they are going to go 19-0 this year and win every game by 35 points.  A much more level-headed blogger would list the weather (rain), and the fact that the Steelers don't have the services of Martavis Bryant and Leveon Bell as much more important factors.  Because it is early season, and both teams are a little underprepared, I think this game will be kind of a slopfest in the rain.  PICK: Steelers

GREEN BAY (-7) at CHICAGO: Chicago signed multiple Super Bowl losing coach John Fox in the offseason.  Any major Moose will tell you that that decision will not end well.  I like Green Bay to smack them.  PICK: Green Bay

KANSAS CITY (+1) at HOUSTON: Both of these teams have pretty stout defenses, but the Texans have absolutely nothing in the cupboard on offense.  Look for Kansas City by a field goal of two.  PICK: Kansas

CLEVELAND (+3) at NYJ: See "Kansas City at Houston."  PICK: NYJ

INDIANAPOLIS (-2.5) at BUFFALO: Andrew Luck is back and with more weapons than ever.  Meanwhile, the Bills are going with T-Mobile as their starting quarterback.  Rex is picking up right where he left off in New York.  PICK: Indiana

MIAMI (-3.5) at WASHINGTON: Speaking of bad starting quarterbacks!  The team from Washington, DC has decided to trot out Kirk Cousins as their starter again this year.  You'd be better off starting Homer Simpson with an ice cream carton head, balloons for arms, and a tape recorder voice at qb.  This team is an absolute abomination.  Truth be told, I had the previous game between Buffalo and Indiana as my no doubter, but then I erased it as soon as I saw this match up.  Lock it up, rub it down; Miami is my NO DOUBTER of the week.  PICK: Miami



CAROLINA (-3) at JACKSONVILLE: This game is intriguing to me.  Carolina is without top weapon Kelvin Bejamin which could hurt them.  However, the Jags are the Jags.  I will take Riverboat Ron in the season opener.  PICK: Carolina

SEATTLE (-4) at ST. LOUIS: A lot of people have come up to me and told me what a stupid trade they thought the Eagles made in swapping Foles and a pick for Sam Bradford (nickname to be revealed later).  In theory, trading a young quarterback with a minimal contract for an older oft-injured $13 million dollar quarterback seems like a terrible deal.  Especially when you include a high draft pick in the deal to boot.  However, Foles is no iron man on the field himself and I think we are going to find that around a less explosive offense and a more suspect line he will be exposed.  He is not a quick decision maker and doesn't have great pocket presence either.  I will cherish my love affair with Foles, but Seattle is going to eat him for lunch on Sunday.  PICK: Seattle

NEW ORLEANS (+2.5) at ARIZONA: Everything feels right.  The first game of the season.  Carson Palmer is back, and we're in THE DESERT.  The Saints are a franchise in decline, and Arizona is going to pick them apart in all phases of the game.  PICK: Arizona

DETROIT (+3) at SAN DIEGO: This should be a good game.  Both of these teams are playoff contenders that kind of didn't do much in the offseason.  I feel like Big Phil starts out slow, and he won't have his security blanket Antonio Gates for four games.  PICK: Detroit

TENNESSEE (+3) at TAMPA BAY: The battle of the first two picks at qb.  Mariota has looked good preseason, but Famous Jameis will probably just have his dick out all game.  In fact, one NFL expert predicted 39 TDs for Jameis this year.  PICK: Tampa

CINCINNATI (-3.5) at OAKLAND: Cincy is such a boring team.  Let's shake it up a little bit.  PICK: Oaktown baby babyyyy

BALTIMORE (+4.5) at DENVER: We are a mile high for this game, and it must be the altitude that has me pondering: is Peyton Manning still any good?  He looked awful at the end of last season, and if that is all he has left then the Broncs are in trouble.  Meanwhile Flacco is coming in with a new haircut.  Baltimore keeps in close, but penalties kill them in the end.  PICK: Denver

NYG (+6) at DALLAS: I don't know how Dallas' defense was good last year, but I think they regress this year.  I know how their offense was good last year, and I think they get better this year.  The Giants are always a mystery.  PICK: Dallas

PHILADELPHIA (-3) at ATLANTA: Sam Bradford, I hereby dub thee "Salami Sam."  It is written.  The Iggs looked so damn good in the preseason that they have everybody in a tizzy.  Atlanta has some talented pieces, but are still suspect on defense and O-line.  I am worried about Julio Jones and Rowdy Roddy White (RIP Rowdy Roddy Piper) but I think the Eagles will be too much for the Falconians.  Make way for Salami Sam!  PICK: Iggs


MINNESOTA (-2.5) at SAN FRANCISCO: The 9ers had an absolute exodus in the offseason.  Every important player on their defense is gone.  I don't think that the 9ers will be as bad as some people think record-wise, but that defense is in shambles.  That is a bad thing when Adrian Peterson is coming to town.  PICK: Minnesota 

Glad to be back in the fold for week one, and let's all enjoy some football with a nice plate of wings.