Thursday, November 26, 2015

Moose's Weekly Picks

Good week last week.  Let's do this real quick.

Philadelphia (+2.5) at Detroit: Mark my words Megatron is going to have a monster game. PICK: Detroit

Carolina (+1) over Dallas (No Doubter)

Green Bay (-8.5) over Chicago

Houston (-3) over New Orleans

Minnesota (+1) over Atlanta

St. Louis (+9) over Cincy

Indy (-3) over Tampa

Washington (+2.5) over NYG

Oakland (-2) over Tennessee

KC (-6.5) over Buffalo

Miami (+3.5) over NYJ

Jax (-4) over San Diego

Arizona (-10.5) over SF

Seattle (-4) over Pittsburgh

Denver (+3) over NEP

Cleveland (-2.5) over Baltimore

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Moose's Weekly Picks

An absolutely dreadful performance by Moose last week has me hoping that the law of averages will help me out a little bit this week.  Last week the underdogs had their way, covering 10 out of 14 games and outright winning 9 of those 10 games.  Very bizarre.  Vegas is up to something.  Trying to get their money back from ol' Moose.  Let's try to rectify the situation this week and get the record back over .500 again.

TENNESSEE (+3) at JACKSONVILLE: Mariota got shut down by the Panthers last week, but should have an easier time against the Jags.  Vice versa, the Jags won a wild one in Baltimore last week but should have a tougher time with the Titans.  Honestly, we have to start with Tennessee after a bad week?  PICK: Tennessee

WASHINGTON (+7) at CAROLINA: The Panthers offense looks a lot like the early 2000's Eagles.  Everything runs through the qb who is basically a second running back.  It is tough to stop even with scrubby wide receivers on the outside.  Washington's defense is okay, but in Carolina I can't bet against Cam.  PICK: Carolina Ribs

OAKLAND (-1.5) at DETROIT: Oakland is leaking oil all of a sudden after a few big wins (Side note: often times I catch myself typing "wings" instead of wins).  Meanwhile, Detroit did the improbable and won a football game last week after the great management purge of 2015.  I think Detroit is due for a letdown.  The autumn wind sweeps through Ford Field this weekend.  PICK: Oakland

DALLAS (pick em) at MIAMI: Miami stole one against the Iggs last week.  It won't happen this week with Tony Romo back.  It is a sad state of affairs when I have more confidence in Tony Romo after eight weeks on the shelf than I do in any Eagles quarterback.  PICK: Dallas

INDIANAPOLIS (+6) at ATLANTA: Speaking of teams leaking oil, Atlanta is leaking faster than Burns Slant Drilling Company.  Even without Plucky Luck, I think the Colts win this game.  PICK: Indiana


ST. LOUIS (+2.5) at BALTIMORE: St. Louis is 3-0 against their division and 1-5 against everybody else.  Such a confounding team.  Now throw Case Keenum into the mix.  PICK: Baltimore

NYJ (-2.5) at HOUSTON: The frauds from Houston somehow not only covered against Cincy last week, but beat them straight away.  Meanwhile, the Jets absolutely blew it against Buffalo.  Hoyer questionable for Sunday has me thinking that the Jets have to win this one.  PICK: NYJ

GREEN BAY (+1) at MINNESOTA: Minnesota is 7-2?  How?  Where?  Who told them to say that?  Meanwhile Green Bay is still sputtering.  I think the Vikes put the NFC North in a stranglehold this week.  PICK: Minnesota

TAMPA BAY (+5.5) at PHILADELPHIA: I'm getting sick of watching this Eagles team stink up the joint.  Mistakes left and right, and bar none the worst receiving corps in the NFL.  I will however enjoy watching Famous Jameis operate against them.  No way in hell the Iggs cover 5.5.  Put it down as my No Doubter of the Week.  PICK: TAMPA


DENVER (+1) at CHICAGO: Peyton Manning is OUT for the Broncs.  This is the week of the backup qb: Sanchez, Hasselbeck, Keenum, maybe Yates, and Osweiler.  Osweiler can't be worse than Manning was right?  His name also sounds like Chris Ostreicher aka Oz from American Pie.  Can't pick against those good vibes.  PICK: Denver


CINCINNATI (+5) at ARIZONA: THERE is the Cincy team we know!  Dropping a prime time game at home and looking miserable in the process.  Now they go to the Desert and play an Arizona team that just won a huge Sunday night game in Seattle.  I think everyone knows where I'm going with this.  PICK: Arizona


SAN FRANCISCO (+12.5) at SEATTLE: Here is my question: Can Seattle score enough to win by 12.5?  Follow up question: Can San Francisco score at all?  Real Chinese riddle.  PICK: Seattle

SAN DIEGO (+3) at KANSAS CITY: Don't look now but Dandy Andy and the Chefs have won three in a row, and could make a move on the AFC West.  I'm not sure if San Diego has any players left on their team.  PICK: Kansas


BUFFALO (+7) at NEP: Losing Edelman was a big blow for the NEP, but in the house that the Surgeon built the rule is "next man up."  Meanwhile, a little birdie told me that since 2012 Rex Ryan is something like 4-17 after a win.  This little birdie knows a big head when he sees one, and Rex's head might not fit into the stadium after last week's win.  What a prick.  PICK: NEP

LAST WEEK: 5-9 (audible gasp)
OVERALL: 70-70-6
NO DOUBTER: 4-6

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Moose's Weekly Picks

Yuck.  A 5-8 week last week has Moose ready to move on to week 10 of the NFL slate.  The Titans have my head in a mental pretzel once again.  I can't stand that team and I vote that they are the team to move to Los Angeles.  My mind is weary from even thinking about having to pick the Titans game, but I will have to muddle through somehow.  Let's take a look at some interesting games this week.

BUFFALO (+2.5) at NYJ: The NYJ had to scurry to beat the Jags last week, while Buffalo stomped out madman Dan Campbell and the Phins.  The Bills will no doubt want to help Big Rex stick it to his former team and Rex seems to do well in these types of games, but I think the Jets at home with a healthy squad will prevail.  PICK: NYJ

DETROIT (+11) at GREEN BAY: How on Earth did Jim Caldwell survive the ax in last week's head-rolling in Detroit?  The guy inspires 0 confidence in anybody and is expressionless.  Furthermore, he is depriving us of one of the greatest possible coaching regimes in the history of the NFL!  Gimme the Pack to heal some of their offensive woes at home and rout the Lions.  Then maybe we will get to see this man at the helm.  PICK: Packers


DALLAS (+1.5) at TAMPA BAY: Dallas played pretty admirably against the Iggs last week, and Matt Cassel is starting to spread it around to many receivers.  The Bucs are playing better, but their defense is still a sieve.  I think Dallas gets their first win of the Cassel Administration this week.  Hopefully Jameis proves me wrong though. PICK: Dallas


CAROLINA (-5.5) at TENNESSEE: Ugh.  Here we go.  Here is my logic for this week: the Titans actually haven't won a game at home all season.  The Panthers play well on the road because they have a good defense.  Seems logical right?  But then you throw in the Mularkey effect and Mariota coming off of a 4 td performance.  I gotta stick with my guns and take Carolina though.  This will be playing in my head all weekend.  PICK: Panthers


CHICAGO (+7.5) at ST. LOUIS:  The Rams play pretty well at home and the Bears have a crummy defense.  I see the Rams scoring roughly 26 points and the Bears scoring roughly 17.  PICK: Rams

NEW ORLEANS (-1) at WASHINGTON: The Skins got embarrassed by the Pats last week, and the Saints were confounded by those mind-bottling Titans.  This one is a toss up for me.  Heads its the Saints, tails its the Skins.  PICK: Washington

MIAMI (+6.5) at PHILADELPHIA: The Iggs showed me something last week.  They absolutely needed a touchdown in overtime and got it.  I wasn't going to play the field goal game.  It sounds funny saying this, but with rookie ILB Jordan Hicks out for the season with a torn booby the Iggs might have lost their defensive MVP.  That hurts.  However, I think the madman Campbell effect has worn off in Miami.  The offense does not scare me, and the defense is much weaker without Cameron Wake on the edge.  PICK: Iggs


CLEVELAND (+4.5) at PITTSBURGH: Big Ben is out again.  Landry Jones has played ok in his absence, but it's like, is life really worth living?  Johnathan Football says he missed a few throws last Thursday.  I don't know man.  This game kind of sucks in my opinion.  PICK: Cleveland

JACKSONVILLE (+5.5) at BALTIMORE: The Ravens defense sucks this year, and their offense keeps losing players.  With that said, the Jag-offs haven't won on the road all season.  This one is another toss up for me.  I guess I''l take the Jags.  Cut to Shahid Khan when he found out I picked the Jags.  PICK: Jags




MINNESOTA (+3) at OAKLAND: Are the Raiders legit?  God I hope so.  Silver and Black baby.  The world is a better place when the Raiders are good.  1984, 1985, 1990, 2000: All years that were pretty rad.  All years that the Raiders were good.  You can't argue with science.  Minnesota says Teddy Bridgewater will play, but he was snoozin' on the field on Sunday so that seems whack.  We are at the portion of the blog where I lose my focus.  If Bridgewater plays, I imagine it will look something like this.  PICK: Oaktown

KANSAS CITY (+6.5) at DENVER: Dandy Andy is coming off of a bye week.  He is 11-5 after a bye week.  Meanwhile the Broncs dropped one to Plucky Luck and the Colts in Indy last week.  This game is going to be closer than you might think.  I think the Broncos win, but not by 6.5.  How does that sound?  PICK: Kansas

NEP (-7) at NYG: Oh dolly talk about your game of the week.  The last time the Pats beat the Gints, we were young men at Giants Stadium watching Tom Brady, Randy Moss and the Patriots make history.  That was almost eight gall durn years ago.  Now our hair has grown short, our bellies have been bloated, the ravages of old age have set in, and the harvest is no longer as fruitful as in days past.  On paper, the Pats have been coasting through the NFL schedule all season long, and the Giants defense shouldn't be able to stop them.  However, the Pats are dealing with several key injuries this week.  Going by the theory that the Giants always play to the level of their competition, I am going to take them thinking that they will keep it close.  PICK: NYG

ARIZONA (+3) at SEATTLE: The Hawks swept the Cardinals without Carson last year, but won't have that luxury in 2015.  Carson is back and the Seahawks are no longer invincible at home.  Can the Cardinals take the NFC west by the throat this week?  I'm not so sure. PICK: Seattle

HOUSTON (+10.5) at CINCINNATI: Cincinnati is undefeated and is playing at home.  The Texans are 1-3 on the road, with that one win coming against Jacksonville.  Their other two wins are against the Mariota-less Titans and a week 3 Jameis.  Gotta think Cincy blows their doors off here.  Make it my NO DOUBTER.  PICK: Cincy

LAST WEEK: 5-8
OVERALL: 65-61-6
NO DOUBTER: 4-5





Thursday, November 5, 2015

Moose's Weekly Picks

Another week above ground for Moose is a good week.  I thought I did better, but 7-5-2 is not bad.  Shame on me for ever picking the Titans as a No Doubter.  Anyone who knows this blog knows that the Titans are one of my least favorite teams to pick.  I am always wrong about the Titans.  Always.  We will get into it more in their game breakdown, but this week doesn't look any easier.  Anyhow, let's get to the games.

CLEVELAND (+11) at CINCINNATI: Is anybody else glad this game is finally here so we don't have to see any more of those stupid commercials with the judge and the hot dog vendor?  No way to put lipstick on this pig, and the NFL just made it worse with those commercials.  Ohio probably cares so much about this game, and nobody else in the world gives a damn.  I have gone on record, and will continue to say that Ohio is the worst state in the country.  PICK: Cincy

OAKLAND (+4.5) at PITTSBURGH: Pittsburgh can't beat the injury blues this year.  Big Ben comes back, Leveon Bell goes down.  Meanwhile, Oakland is playing their best football in years.  I will still take the Stillers in this one though.  PICK: Blitzburgh

JACKSONVILLE (+6.5) at NYJ: Fitzy is playing with a busted-ass hand, and the Jets are coming off of a deflating loss in Oaktown last week.  Despite those blues, I think the defense is gonna give Jacksonville fits.  PICK: NYJ

ST. LOUIS (+2) at MINNESOTA: This game could go either way. Two good defenses and two good running games on display here.  Two young quarterbacks and two speedy receivers as well.  So this is what its like when doves cry?  Good for you if you got that reference.  PICK: St. Louis


MIAMI (+3) at BUFFALO:  This is another tough one.  I don't think Buffalo's offense or defense will be able to frustrate the Dolphins as much as BB and the NEP did.  But the Bills have had a week to rest, and T-Mobile their savior should be back at QB.  PICK: Miami

TENNESSEE (+8) at NEW ORLEANS: New Orleans has had a resurgence on offense lately.  They put up 52 on the NYG last week (why didn't fucknuts punt it out of bounds, Koey?) and Drew Brees looks healthy again.  Then we have the Titans.  Fuck the Titans.  Mariota is probably going to play which could screw this whole thing up.  Fuck the Titans.  PICK: New Orleans

WASHINGTON (+14) at NEP: I played basketball with a Skins fan the other day.  At first I was like fuck no, but then he turned out to be a pretty good player and we won a few games.  PICK: NEP

GREEN BAY (-2.5) at CAROLINA: Carolina got lucky last week.  They had the game in hand and let the Colts right back in.  That won't work against the Packers.  However, the Packers defense is beginning to be exposed as a fraud.  Gotta think Rodgers can get it done here though.  PICK: Green Bay

ATLANTA (-7) at SAN FRANCISCO: Atlanta is starting to look crappy again, and now have to go on the road after a tough loss at home.  But then on the other side of the coin, San Francisco is starting Blaine Gabbert and is signing running backs off the street.  It's all relative people.  Throw this one up as my NO DOUBTER.  PICK: Hotlanta

NYG (-2.5) at TAMPA BAY: Tampa Bay got a big win at Atlanta last week, and all of a sudden Jameis is looking like the #1 pick with no turnovers in his last three games.  Meanwhile, the Giants defense is an absolute sieve (Why didn't fucknuts punt the ball out of bounds, Mudd?).  You might think this leads me to pick the Bucs.  But nay, the Giants offense will be able to overpower the Bucs defense, and Jameis won't be able to keep up.  Maybe he will pad the TD counter a bit though (couldn't find a flaming 12).  PICK: Giants


DENVER (-5) at INDIANAPOLIS: Plucky Luck looked a bit better last week, but still couldn't get it done.  The task only gets tougher this week.  The Broncos defense won't go into low gear if they are up by a few like the Panthers did.  Plus Peyton is returning to Indy so all the Colts fans will be like "Aw shucks."  PICK: Denver

PHILADELPHIA (-2.5) at DALLAS: The Iggs are healthy, the Cowboys are still not.  Unfortunately, I think this game will still be close but I think the Iggs will pull it out.  Their offense can't possibly play worse than it has so far.  They just can't.  PICK: Iggs

CHICAGO (+4) at SAN DIEGO: Big Phil Rivers might need to go to a two tight end set.  He has no other targets left.  The Bears likely won't have Matt Forte as well.  This game should suck.  PICK: Chargers

LAST WEEK: 7-5-2
OVERALL: 60-53-6
NO DOUBTER: 4-4